How To Have A Loving And Lasting RelationshipHow To Have A Loving And Lasting Relationship Melissa explanted to her husband, Tony, that for more then ten years she did not feel heard or understood. She would sometimes shout, "You just don't get me." She repeatedly told him, "You just don't listen! You never take my needs into consideration when you are making important decisions about our relationship, our home or in so many little things. I feel invisible! " For Melissa the last straw was a pizza. Their relationship ended the night Tony ordered a pizza with all anchovies. Melissa hated anchovies. She looked across the table at Tony and calmly told him, "Tony, this is the last pizza you will ever order for me! I am leaving." Tony was shocked; he thought his wife was happy. In reality he was oblivious to her needs. He took it for granted that regardless of how he acted Melisa would be there. For Melisa, the Pizza Man had been circling the neighborhood for quite some time but on that night he made a delivery. A simple act like ordering a pizza can trigger an avalanche of past feelings; you decide you can no longer accept what is happening. You build a rock pile over time and with one last rock it tumbles. How do you avoid the Pizza Man? Address things that bother you, repair damage in a timely way and discuss what is happening and how and why you feel the way you do. When we hurt one another with words or actions the damage adds up. A song by Sarah Rogers, says it best: "Sticks and may break my bones, but words can break my soul." In over thirty years of practice as a psychotherapist, I have seen many Pizza Man scenarios. If you think your relationship may be heading in the wrong direction, work on things together before you get a final delivery. Recently a client called me from the parking lot at the Grocery Store and left a message, "I had to get away and give you a call because the pizza man is in my neighborhood". She knew they needed a time out. Do not let damage accumulate in your relationship. Work together to repair hurts. If a lot of damage has accumulated you may want to seek therapy to help sort through the issues. Charlotte Beck points out that when we focus our awareness on problems it can be like a flame that burns through egocentric confusion. But when our attention is scattered we make messes out of situations like burning soft coal that scatters soot all around. If things are too messy around your house, name the issues and focus your awareness on finding solutions together. Do not wait for a last straw pizza delivery. If you still have strong feelings, fight for your relationship and not against one other. If the Pizza Man is in your neighborhood, act now to repair your relationship while feelings are still strong. When he delivers it will be too late. Ask yourself the following questions and be ready to address them with one another in a non-threatening way, non-accusatory way. 1 "How can we address issues together?"2 How can we be proactive instead of reactive?3 How can we take time-out when things are too messy?4 How can we repair after a fight?5 What has helped us repair in the past?6 How can we make deposits to a positive emotional bank account every day?7 Do we both have ways to relax and calm down so we do not damage our relationship? Dr.Linda Miles , is a highly regarded psychotherapist with over 30 years experience. Her book The New Marriage,Transcending the Happily Ever After Myth was a finalist for the Foreward Book of the Year Award. She has written many articles for professionals and published in national magazines such as Parents and Entrepreneur. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Linda_Miles
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